They need our help in finding what is going on with them. Little kids usually aren’t even sure why they are doing what they are doing (like many adults, come to think of it). It’s so easy to see “big red button” behaviors as character flaws when they’re really connection flaws. In fact, she had one just the other day, but we were able to quickly address it, forgive and move on.
The great news is that she has done much better since we had this conversation. We talked about her responsibility to rebuild trust with my heart, and she was more than willing to do that once she believed that I was truly for her. After that, we were able to address the lying. Once we uncovered what was really going on inside her, we first walked out some forgiveness with each other (because let’s be honest, I needed to forgive her as well as asking for forgiveness from her). Tears and snot began to flow as she sobbed, “BECAUSE YOU LOVE RYLEE AND LAYLA MORE THAN ME!”
Why do you think I don’t let you have what you want?”Īnguish filled my daughter’s face. “Why did you think I wouldn’t let you have it?” “Well, I really wanted that toy and I knew you wouldn’t let me have it,” she said. Finally, I asked, “Can you tell me why you lied to me?”
“Oh, my sweet baby, I would love for you to play, but I think we need to figure this out first.” We just sat there quietly, looking at each other.Įventually, she asked, “How long are we going to sit, Mommy?”Īfter about five minutes (basically an eternity for a six-year-old), she said, “Mommy, I’m sorry I lied to you.” I asked her to come and sit with me on the couch. So, I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. Why aren’t my tools working? Why isn’t she getting this? What am I going to do? Does this make me a fraud because I teach Loving our Kids on Purpose and yet I can’t seem to get through to my kid? Ahhh! I just want her to stop lying!Įverything in me felt like it must be me. I found myself struggling with feeling helpless while also under pressure to have this issue figured out and fixed. When this behavior started making its appearance in my daughter’s life, I reached into my toolbelt and started pulling out the tools I had used in the past when I ran into the same thing with her older sisters. It takes ALL my strength to keep myself under control in the presence of lying. For me, lying is a cheap ticket on the Anxiety Express to Angerville. What is a “big red button”? A “big red button” is any anxiety-producing behavior that your kids do. Let me just tell you, lying is my big red button. Recently, my 6-year-old daughter has gotten into a very bad habit-lying.
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